Sunday, October 16, 2011
I had quite the day today
I had quite the day today...all im going to say is when my ex gets out of jail you better change your tune.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
up all night
there goes sleeping through the night. I want to write a memoir because i've been in the writing mood but im afraid of my mom sueing me. what would you do? I wish I was in the poetry writing mood thats my shit. short and sweet. Sooooo this guy i was talking to online (who i was warned about but didnt listen) writes " cant wait till tomorrow" on myyb, and some skinny bitch with pink hair writes back "me either" FUCK THAT you stupid sack sucking bitch. IM DONEEEEE fuck men. My roomate is lecturing me ... "youre always looking for people to gratify you" shut the front door. Another interesting qoute " I get the startch that i need from vodka, so then I eat a salad and im all set." now im getting " youre a real pussy". Ugh shut up. Im going to try to get my hustle on and write resumes online again. If you know someone that needs a resume... let me know, Ill do it for $30.
blah x 10
Thank god Helen was here today I needed some social interaction. She helped me clean and switch my room to the living room. I have fucking stuff everywhere because i dont have a closet ...oh well fuck it my room is huge...AWESOME. Helen and I are trying to sleep she has to work tonight the overnight shift..and im just run down. Im jacked on caffiene to the point where Im having racing thoughts and im grinding my teeth. I love a good caffiene buzz but it can go wrong really quick. Im bugging about money...to keep it short im used to having my utilities included in my rent and i dont like not knowing when or how much im going to get slammed with for bills because i usually dont have that much money. I really hope i sleep through the night tonight... its been a long time since that happened. i know this is a random blog but my frame of mind isnt right. penises are ugly. goodnight.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Obsessive
I don't know if I'm compulsive but I'm def. obsessive. I listened to this song all day on repeat, I couldn't get enough: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srMBZiqNMaM&ob=av2n I think I might actually throw up from an Alicia Keys overdose.
Anyways I was listening to this so much, so obsessively because I convinced myself I this song is about me and my ex thats in jail. I really started to miss him today. He has been locked up for a long time. I haven't gone to see him because hes in the box, and even if he wasn't --i don't think I would because of how he treated me the last time I saw him. His friend told me he was asking for me to visit him though, and the fact that he always seems to need me makes me feel special, it hits my soft spot. Its true what they say- when you miss someone you only think about the good parts of them, you seem to dismiss the bad. No matter what people say, I know theres more good than bad there. He just needs help...way more help that I could ever give. But somehow I feel that fate is pulling us apart, because of all this jail time, and my living situation. Maybe thats in my best interest but it crushes me not to be able to say " at least samuel loves me".
Other than that Im fat and miserable and tired all of the time. I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about my meds. she probably isn't going to help me. I really need a new doctor...one that doesn't blow me off and pays attention to me, but its really hard to find a shrink in Boston ill tell yah. Anyways I really SERIOUSLY need to stop sleeping my life away it makes me feel guilty and awful. I know some of it is because of boredom but i think theres something else wrong.
I'm not adjusted to my new living space yet. I dread being here. I liked living alone better. Now I live in a constant state of "what issue is next". I got an email from the guy i wanted to live with, turns out their house got sold... i feel bad..he wanted advice but i probably sounded jaded from my awful moving experience.
nobody loves me everybody hates me im gonna go eat worrrrmmmmsssssss.
Anyways I was listening to this so much, so obsessively because I convinced myself I this song is about me and my ex thats in jail. I really started to miss him today. He has been locked up for a long time. I haven't gone to see him because hes in the box, and even if he wasn't --i don't think I would because of how he treated me the last time I saw him. His friend told me he was asking for me to visit him though, and the fact that he always seems to need me makes me feel special, it hits my soft spot. Its true what they say- when you miss someone you only think about the good parts of them, you seem to dismiss the bad. No matter what people say, I know theres more good than bad there. He just needs help...way more help that I could ever give. But somehow I feel that fate is pulling us apart, because of all this jail time, and my living situation. Maybe thats in my best interest but it crushes me not to be able to say " at least samuel loves me".
Other than that Im fat and miserable and tired all of the time. I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about my meds. she probably isn't going to help me. I really need a new doctor...one that doesn't blow me off and pays attention to me, but its really hard to find a shrink in Boston ill tell yah. Anyways I really SERIOUSLY need to stop sleeping my life away it makes me feel guilty and awful. I know some of it is because of boredom but i think theres something else wrong.
I'm not adjusted to my new living space yet. I dread being here. I liked living alone better. Now I live in a constant state of "what issue is next". I got an email from the guy i wanted to live with, turns out their house got sold... i feel bad..he wanted advice but i probably sounded jaded from my awful moving experience.
nobody loves me everybody hates me im gonna go eat worrrrmmmmsssssss.
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